80 days.

80 days since our family has gone into quarantine. 80 days since we should have been on an airplane to meet our son that is sitting in an orphanage on the other side of the world.  

80 days.

I have no idea how it's been 80 days but time keeps on ticking by, every day feels the same as the last, and every day is one day closer to meeting our sweet boy.  Yet, we have no idea when the day will come. We have dates that we wait for, hoping to learn more information, and those dates get replaced by new dates. So we wait. And wait. And wait. Right now we are waiting for June 14th, to see what Bulgaria will decide with its borders. 

The truth right now is that no one knows. Our agency here in the US doesn’t know and the NGO is Bulgaria does not know. I mean how do you proceed?  I have a difficult time visualizing being allowed to go into the orphanage.  They have done a good job of not having a single case in any of the orphanages (that we know of) and Bulgaria has done a good job in general of keeping their numbers low… because they shut down so fast and because for the most part, people listened. 

How are we doing as a family? Not great. Mentally I feel completely distracted by being able to accomplish anything. Physically, it has actually taken a toll on my body.  Over 7 weeks ago, I started to experience chest pains, burning, tingling...migratory pain all over my chest.  After several visits to urgent care and the doctor I have been diagnosed (well they *think*) with internal shingles brought on by stress.  Rare to have internal shingles and even more rare at my age.  I am still waiting for it out to feel better and at this point, there is not much I can do.  And I hate it. I am SO uncomfortable.

The kids are as good as they can be.  They talk about their brother saying we need to get him a swimsuit or they wonder what he wants for his up and coming 3rd birthday.  It’s a delicate situation of us trying to actually not talk about him too much. I think Adam and I both understand that there are times when adoption does not work out and countries shut down their programs.  Typically, this is governmental issues, ethical issues, etc.  But a global pandemic is just something that has never been before and everyone doesn’t know how to proceed.  They could shut down, for the time being, they could say we won’t continue to process for a year or until there is a vaccine.  Right now, Bulgaria has begun court again, this means for families who have already gone on trip one they are given a court date and have to pass court from a judge in Bulgaria.  Judges are signing court decrees, which is the very last step before traveling for trip two.  So, it makes me believe that they are continuing on and still processing adoptions.  At least ones where court was imminent.  Where does it leave us… we have no idea.  We have not gone on trip one so, we don’t know what they will do with us and those who are farther down the line.  

80 days is a long time...